The Truth About Making a Mom Friend

It's like dating, but even more awkward. There should seriously be an app for this by now. Swipe right if the mom is as much of a hot mess as you are. Tap twice if you want to meet in person. Think about it, motherhood is all-consuming. Adult interaction rarely comes high on the list of priorities. Anything more than a quick phone conversation with a friend from a far seems like it's never worth the effort. Unless you are lucky enough to have babies at the same time as your pre-motherhood best friend AND you share similar parenting styles, you are basically starting from scratch in the field of mom friends. Of course, there are the awesome chance friendships that occur at a birth class, baby music time, an exercise class, or at the park, but this doesn't happen for every mom.

50% of the time, making a mom friend goes something like this...

• Try to Meet Someone
  • Awkwardly approach another mom in the wild, or
  • Message a mom in an online group

• Become a Social Media Stalker -- Is she worthy? Decide if she has real life friendship potential.
  • What does she post? Like-minded articles that you too want to share with everyone even though you know you won't actually convert all mothers to your parenting style?
  • Open all of her photo albums and learn as much as you can about her.

• Exchange Numbers
  • Send a text confirming you have each others' numbers.
  • Wait a week (or more) before sending another text, if the friendship feelings haven't already fizzled out or been put on the back burner to the rest of motherhood.

• Plan a Playdate... at a central location where you can bail if needed.

• Plan an In-Home Playdate -- Possibly plan out mimosas or some other beverage.
  • Shower and Shave -- Because this date may determine your entire friendship future, you need to smell and feel awesome.
  • Blow Dry Hair -- Read above
  • Clean House -- It doesn't matter that your house is never clean, it will be for the first playdate.
  • Prepare the healthiest toddler lunch imaginable.

• Follow Up Text
  • A text that immediately follows the playdate about how great it was.

• Deep Analyzation of playdate
  • Over a second (or third) glass of wine that night, you play out the entire event in detail to your husband or long-distance friend.

• Friendship Status Decision Time
  • Plan out weekly playdates together.

The other 50% of the time, making a mom friend goes like this...

• Run into an acquaintance or social media friend that you've never actually met in real life. This will only happen when you have a mom bun, are makeup-less, and are wearing workout attire (but have zero plans to workout). Your child(ren) will be either:
  • Melting down at Target
  • Consuming crap food that you swear your kids never eat
  • Naked

• You will hand over one child to this not-yet-friend so you can catch a child while you truly look like the hot mess of a mother that you are.

• This potential friend does not judge; she may laugh, but it is with you and not at you, as she actually understands the day you are having. She then programs your phone number and texts you immediately.

• Text messages ensue.

• You begin to hang out more often than you see your husband.
  • You never shave or blow dry your hair because she gets you.
  • There is no point to cleaning up before she comes over because.... WHY? The kids are just going to destroy it all again within 2 minutes.
  • Wine is a given.