Sex is real life. It is raw, emotional, and natural.  Sex also takes on a whole new meaning once a baby is born.  It doesn’t matter whether a birth was vaginal or surgical, the body is altered, and the mind has a new focus.  You are tired, and your plate is full, but you (and your partner) are human – and human desires exist.  But there are so many questions, and who do you ask?   --- Mom friends, that’s who.  Women who have experienced sex after having a child, and perhaps even went on to have more babies!

I’ve polled the masses and included my own (mother of four) opinion here to help you prepare for and understand a few things about sex after baby. There is absolutely no rush to jump back in bed. Even after you stop bleeding, you do not have to fool around until you feel ready.  A supportive partner will not pressure you, and will understand that you need more time.

That being said, there are many women (including myself) that feel instantly drawn to their partners soon after giving birth.  My husband is my coach through my births and has ‘caught’ 2 of the 4 babies so far (a midwife caught one and I caught the fourth).  The connection and emotions that the entire situation brings forth is indescribable.  It makes me crave my husband’s touch – not sexually at first, more along the lines of just feeling him next to me as often as possible.  But this feeling grows and eventually leads us back into bed easily; although it takes some time before the actual act itself is easy again.

SEX AFTER BABY

1.       It can be scary.   It is only natural to feel scared of sex after birthing a baby.  If you haven’t yet looked at your labia after birth, I wouldn’t.  Your body just grew a baby and then altered itself to push said baby into the world. Things are swollen, sore, and just plain uninviting immediately after birth.  You will also experience lochia (bleeding) that will last a few weeks as the body heals.  Once bleeding stops, your body may be ready for sex, but your mind is not. That is okay.  Make sure that you share your fears and include your partner in understanding.  Together, you can work through these emotions to find (sexual) happiness again.  

2.       It can be GREAT.  Probably not the first time or two, but because of the hormones and overall emotions you are feeling after having a baby, an orgasm can be intensified. 

3.       Your breasts may need to be contained.  This sounds funny, but I mean it.  Your breasts may have a letdown (express milk) during sex.  They tend to also be quite full, heavy, and tender throughout the first few months postpartum.  Few women noted wanting their breasts touched in a sexual manner after having a baby.  In fact, most women commented that their breasts were the absolute last body part they wanted touched!

4.       You may be fertile. I repeat: YOU MAY BE FERTILE.  Have you heard of ‘Irish Twins’?  No? It is when siblings are born within one year of one another.  Very rarely is this ever planned, as most couples believe they cannot get pregnant again right away.  While exclusive breastfeeding can delay fertility, there seems to be a fertile window for some women immediately following birth.  I would highly recommend at least pulling out for the first 2 months. 

5.       The postpartum body is beautiful.  Our society tends to make us feel as though we need to cover our bodies and hide away the beauty that just brought forth life.  Your body is different – it is in a transitional stage.  You are a goddess. Your partner sees you as nothing less than this.  He is in awe of what you are capable of; please – please – please stand tall and own this. 

I understand though that many women do not feel as I do.  Whether desires are altered due to hormones, fears, or exhaustion, there are things you can do to try to boost your libido.  The following suggestions can be helpful, but again, do not feel pressured into sex before you are truly ready:

·      Exercise 

·       Sleep

·       Eat Well

·       Spend Time with Your Partner