Let’s get real here. Either you are a freaking rockstar mom reading this and will understand every single wish on this list, or you’re a judgmental helicopter mom who thinks I have too many kids and did this all to myself, OR you are one of those mythical husbands who actually scours the internet looking for the exact right thing to do for or give to their loved wife, the bearer of the wonderful children, the goddess that keeps life together. It really doesn’t matter who you are.  The entire reason I created this list was in hopes that someone will read it and tag my own husband so he has some idea of what to do for me this year. We have 8, 6, 4, 2 year olds, and an 8 month old.  I do it all around here -- just like you.... and I’ve come close, but I have yet to lose my sanity. So this Mother’s Day, I’ve created a perfect wish list.  I’m pretty sure most moms will agree with me. 

10 Things Most Moms Want for Mother’s Day

A Few Hours of Silence

No one screaming ‘Mama!’ No fighting to the death in the living room.  No drum solo on pots and pans. No crying. No smoke detector ringing because she forgot the food in the oven.  I’m not saying the family needs to take a weekend camping trip and leave Mom behind..... (Wait, that’s brilliant actually).

Sleep

Uninterrupted, solid sleep can turn an exhausted mom into a new woman. I’m already revisiting my weekend camping trip where hubby takes all four children camping…

Peeing alone

This category also umbrellas the bathing alone dream.  Wine, bubbles, music, hot bath water in a clean tub…   or just 2 minutes behind a closed door to take care of business.

Disappear for a day of pampering but come home to a spotless house, clean kids, dinner made, and everyone happy

It doesn’t matter what the day of pampering includes: nails, hair, lunch with friends, a massage… a trip to Target or the grocery store alone, whatever.  The point is coming home and not having more to do.

A Maid

Duh. This one is a no-brainer. I can’t be the only one who lives the definition of insanity.  I seriously walk around all day cleaning the exact same messes up.  I fish out cheerios from floor vents (hahahaha no I don’t, but I see them accumulating in there every time I walk by and they are slowly eating away at my sanity), wipe tongue prints from every mirror in the house, and basically repaint every wall from 3 feet down because it’s better than cleaning.

A Clean Car

I still think someone remote detonates a bomb every week inside my car.  I don’t understand how it continually looks like it does. F-that. I do know.  It’s the four tiny beings that can’t remember to remove one f’ing thing and think the car magically cleans itself – because it does… Mommy is invisible.

A full cup of coffee that hasn’t been microwaved

Tea in my case, but still.  I heat that crap up like 4 times and still drink it cold…. Hell, the cup is still half full when I pour my first glass of wine each evening. (Thank God I figure out how to finish that before it hits room temperature!)

A babysitter and a date

Please take me on a date. Oh wait, I’m not writing specifically about me.  Whatever – you can relate – JOHN, CALL THE BABYSITTER.  MAKE US PLANS. ORGANIZE THE WHOLE THING. I grew and birthed (unmedicated – even on our own bedroom floor, unassisted) these kids, the least you can do is tell me to get dressed up and take me somewhere there are no children.

A night at a nice hotel – alone

(see above. Clean the damn house while I’m gone.)   I’m talking nice room service, cabana boys at a pool bar, movies in the room, more room service (this time dessert)… just a night to remember I can do more than just put kids to bed – I can lay out at a pool with a book, drink something other than boxed wine, and fall asleep without my boobs exposed (for a nursing baby, you pervs.)

Another Baby

At the end of the day, most moms absolutely love their life.  We just need a break.  But in all of the craziness, all of the ball juggling, all of the mess, not only would we do it again, but we’d love to add another tiny one to the mix.  Yes, we are nuts.  But the truth is that we love YOU (I love you John) and we love this life so much that we cannot wait to create more of it. (FYI -- If my husband reads this... We have FIVE amazing kids. I am DONE. SKIP #10 on this list!)