Honoring an Angel Baby at Christmas
Before I truly start writing, I need to explain that this piece is personal and not easy to put into words. My estimated due date was yesterday. My baby gained her wings at 10 weeks gestation. To so many people, that means so little, but to me and my family, that baby is missed. I am currently due in March with our rainbow baby and looking forward to meeting this little boy, but I will always remember the baby who was gone too soon.My story is not uncommon. In all actuality, it is too common. It may not be talked about, but it needs to be. Not only through miscarriage, but many other problems that are giving tiny ones their angel wings too soon. People want to forget and move on, but as parents, we will always remember. A positive pregnancy test, a loud heartbeat, an ultrasound, tiny kicks; 5 weeks, 10 weeks, 20 weeks, 40 weeks, after birth… A baby is a tiny miracle that we may not be granted enough time with. Life is not the same once a baby leaves us. Time helps, even heals, but the heart will always love, and the tears will always be ready to fall. This will be our first Christmas experiencing the feelings of loss. I am not an expert on the subject, and in all honesty, I have no idea what I am doing. I am so blessed to be surrounded by my earthside children, so loved by them and so many others. But I feel this small ache inside pulling me toward writing this piece. I know that we need to honor our angel this Christmas. I have come up with a few simple ideas, but I also reached out to others who have experienced loss. Their words of wisdom are priceless, and emotional. I truly hope that reading this will help you decide to honor your lost angel(s) this holiday season, and if you have any words to add, please do so.
Our First Christmas After Our LossIt is full of mixed emotions and being in a happy place with a pull of sadness. My husband and I were both heartbroken this summer when our baby gained wings. I want to honor her, not to hold on to that heartache, but to remember the blessing she was to us. Ornament: I am going to place a special angel ornament on the tree. I also found this on pinterest:
If You Have A Recorded Heartbeat From an Ultrasound: Please invest in a My Baby's Heartbeat Bear. It was the first thing I did with my rainbow baby's pregnancy, and I wish so badly that I have had done this with our lost angel. I will always have our sweet fox (the animal we choose) with this baby boy's heartbeat inside. I know that if I were to lose him, this treasure would become even more important to me.
Reaching out to a family who has lostSo many reach out after a baby has passed away, but time allows them to move past the grief. Most will forget or not know how to include an angel in their holiday wishes. If you have a friend or family member who has experienced such heartache, please acknowledge their loss this season. They will be so grateful for your kind thoughts. After reading so many stories, blogs, and pieces of advice, I came across this paragraph on www.franchescacox.com/ : “If you are reading this and haven’t lost a child but have a close friend or family member who has, I encourage you to please make sure you include that precious baby this Christmas season. If you send the family a card, also address it with the child’s name. If you don’t do cards, drop the family a note or email letting them know you are thinking of them during the holiday season & recognize how tough this time of year is (many of us withdraw and keep quiet due to the pain). Maybe do something in the child’s memory or make a donation & let the family know. Even just saying their child’s name in conversation or giving them a little something that made you think of their child means the world to that family!” Words From Others Who Have Lost: These may trigger emotions, but are being shared to spread the word of infant loss, healing, and honoring of all of our angel babies. These babies will stay in our hearts forever.
All photos copyright Jenn Hydeman
Remembering Mercy during Christmas/Holiday Season - AllieThis is our second Christmas without our little lady, Mercy. As far as "how are we remembering her", we honestly aren't doing too much specifically for her except incorporating her into what we already do through the advent season. We go to a light show at our favorite park every year, and a lot of her story unfolded there so now it has an extra twinge of festivity for our family. For us, it's easy to incorporate her into our conversations through the Christmas season since she was a baby and is now in heaven, which relates easily when talking to my 3 year old son, when we talk about the birth of Jesus or play with our nativity sets. The most specific part of remembering her through this holiday season, was honestly kind of fluke. My parents offered to watch our 3yo son for 5 days so I could write and reminisce about Mercy. That's been the most meaningful thing I've done and set aside specifically for her, as well as getting a new ornament for her this year. I would absolutely recommend this for any parents who have lost a child. You don't need 5 days, just a morning, or setting aside an evening will do. This truly, was the best way to remember and keep her spirit with me through the holiday season.