The What Ifs of a Miscarriage
What if my pregnancy had reached full term and you had let out that first cry? What if I had held you skin-to skin?
What if you locked eyes with me and knew I was your mama? What if your tiny fingers had wrapped around mine?
What if we overcame breastfeeding challenges and you nursed throughout toddlerhood? What if I could whisper, "I love you" into your tiny ear?
What if I had finished your nursery? What if I rocked you through the night?
What if your brother had the chance to hold you? What if your daddy made silly faces? Would you have smiled?
What if your first tiny steps were into my arms? What if the first stormy day we danced in the puddles?
What if I snuggled you in bed until you were five? What if I yelled your name through the house as we played hide-and-seek?
What if your favorite color was yellow and every song made you dance? What if your happiness lit up a room?
What if your little handprints were left on our walls? What if you were meant to be?
What if this was somehow all my fault? What if my heart hadn't have been broken into a million tiny pieces the day that you gained wings?
What if you were here...
If you were here, I wouldn't tear up when I see a stranger's pregnant belly.
If you were here, I wouldn't turn my head when a mother has a baby with the name I loved. If you were here, I would celebrate your birthday and not dread that another year has gone by without you.
If you were here, your giggles and cries would be matched with laughter and kisses. If you were here, I wouldn't have a constant heartache.
If you were here, my heart would be complete. If you were here, I wouldn't wonder 'What if...'