The 13 Emotional Stages of a Miscarriage
The Emotional Stages of a Miscarriage
It cannot possibly be happening. When you wake up it will all be normal again.
Your heart feels as though it is being physically ripped from your chest.
But sleeping will make it all disappear.
How can this happen? What did you do to cause it? You can't eat, sleep, or stop crying. The tears come in waves as strong as the tide, but they don't wash away the pain, only verify it.
(These will cycle a few times in the beginning. Every mother will spend a different length of time within each stage.)
You will wonder every which way to Tuesday if that glass of wine, the yoga class, a night of sex, or the sushi caused the loss.
The tears will burn your eyes and your emotions will shift to anger. There will be so much anger.
Grief tends to continually circle back around. The heart feels as though it will never heal, and it may not completely ever heal. The heartache will catch you off guard... baby showers, pregnant bellies, friends, movies, commercials, stores, or songs. A mother's mind has a way of drifting off to the land of unreal, and in this place is where heartache flows fast and hard. Here is where you envision every moment that was lost when your baby gained his wings.
ALONE. You wish to be alone. Wine, food, no food, music, silence, it doesn't matter, but you want to be alone with the grief.
Then, there is a moment when the world NEEDS to know. This pregnancy was not imagined; you were carrying a baby, and you need to tell people. The support you receive is not meant to heal, but it is meant to give your experience a voice and a life beyond yourself.
The heart will feel broken and a dark cloud may linger for a long time. Your legs are heavy, as heavy as your heart. It feels better to sleep than to consciously know the pregnancy is over.
In shear desperation, you will want to be pregnant again. It may consume you. You may feel as though a new pregnancy will heal everything, but it is not true. While a rainbow baby is a beautiful addition to a family, she will not replace the baby lost. Time is needed before making the decision to try for another baby.
A point will come when you accept that you have lost a baby. It will not be easy, and grief will continue to cycle around, but it will come.
A new pregnancy will bring with it fear you have never felt before. A heartbeat will never sound as good as a rainbow baby's heartbeat.Miscarriage happens with 1 in every 3 pregnancies today. It has happened to someone you know, if it has not happened to you. It is real. Together, we can open our arms to the mothers who are currently in need of our love; after all, our angels are all dancing in heaven together.